School Ain't Nice

[Forest]

School Ain't Nice

Ah yes, the wonders of school, a supposedly marvelous place where all the children flock happily to learn interesting and wonderful things. How to solve various combinations of numbers with astounding speed and accuracy. Memorizing lengthy strings of words and becoming capable of reciting them on command. Even learning how to allow the unique words of a foreign language to flow across your tongue like a singing, rushing river. All these thought-provoking elements blended together to create a concoction of good times, joy, and discovery. Yet many have come to hate this invention, known as school, with a burning passion. And I am one of them.

My heart is set aflame with a pure hatred so dark and greedy that it consumes every single little drop of joy that I may come in to contact with during the countless minutes spent laboring away in that god-forbidden torture chamber of a classroom. Oh so many crucial, precious days of my life have been wasted as I sat there like a stone, doing nothing but solve problem after problem. After a few seemingly eternal days have been spent toiling away with pencil and paper, the rhythm of the whole thing becomes oh so very monotonous that my thoughts and actions begin to take on a mechanical form. This explains my dull, lifeless demeanor that persists throughout the weekdays. This robotic manner can only be cured through the process of kicking back on the weekends to play some video games, preferably Zelda, and even more specifically, Skyward Sword.

Why only on the weekends, you ask? ‘tis because of homework, my dear! What? Oh yes, of course they send me off with a load of garbage that I supposedly learned in class that day. And darling, it absolutely must be completed before school the next day, mind you. And since I have to complete a few pages of filthy rubbish for each of my six classes, I have no choice but to have yet more of my greatly cherished time wasted, or run the risk of punishment if I allow myself to recharge by way of a fight with Ganondorf.

And all the papers that apparently add value to my education? Please, darling, don’t even get me started on those horrific atrocities! Hours spent researching and studying about disgusting scum I don’t even care to know a thing about. My goodness, I would rather go to Wal-mart wearing nothing but post-it notes slapped onto my bare skin! Just the thought of those cursed 4 by 6 cards and the catastrophe of writing an outline is enough to cause a minor explosion within my poor, overworked body. Write about something you like, they said. It will be fun, they said. Oh my, such idiots! Dumbbells! Buffoons! Do they not know that it is completely and utterly impossible to do so? But that is not nearly the worst of it…

Not only must I write down a dumpster full of trash, but I must also read it while standing on front of a crowd! You have eyes, a brain, and a knowledge of how to process the words those eyes see, do you not? Oh, I’m sorry, what’s that? Hmm? You would rather listen to me mumble out all the jumbles of words that I have written down sloppily on a piece of paper instead of simply reading it yourself? Well, excuuuuse me, princess! I just had no idea that you have a refined taste for seeing people struggle through almost unbearable agony! Almost unbearable, yes, there is one thing that reaches the border between anguish and the downright inhumane…

Ah, the foreign language class! It’s always exciting, enthralling, and exhilarating to learn a new language, right? Ahahaha, you’re funny. Seriously. Stop. Like, now. I might accidentally take a wee-wee in my pants if you don’t. Oh, you say you can’t hear me when I’m speaking another language? Well, pardon me for attempting to save myself from the utmost level of humiliation! There are many reasons to learn another language? Then go ahead and try to give me at least one good, satisfying reason before I shove a knuckle sandwich down your throat. I dare you. And while I understand that being forced to learn a whole brand new language is absolutely undesirable, I have yet to speak of the triple terrors, which cross the line of everything good…

Tests, quizzes, and exams galore! What could possibly be more rewarding than seeing how much worthless trash has been crammed into your pathetic, helpless little brain? Well, how about watching as you received a big ol’ nasty F on your final exam in algebra? And how about receiving a big ol’ nasty F on that exam not once, but twice? Do you have any idea how that made me feel inside? Furious! Outraged! Sick with anger! Think of all the poor little pencils that have had the great misfortune to meet with the wrath and fury that gushed out of my heart and flowed through my veins. Dents in the walls from the innumerable hours of banging my head until I knocked myself unconscious. All the times the frustration caged inside of me boiled up, forcing angry tears out of my miserable body. And this is called an “excellent opportunity to prove my intelligence”? Is this a joke?! I prove my intelligence every day by choosing to hate, loathe, detest, and completely despise this obscene monstrosity that is referred to as “school”!

Now do you believe me when I say that school is diabolical, vicious, black-hearted, revolting, absolutely appalling, downright satanic?! Do you understand the enormous levels of excruciating torment and agony that I must endure every week day?! Can you see the ridiculous amount of nearly unthinkable, crushing pressure placed upon my shoulders almost every single day?! Thank goodness for the mercy of the holy weekends! But as soon as Monday morning rolls around, I am hurled violently back into the confinement of six classes each day to suffer until the blessing of the angelic Saturday swoops down to save me once again. School…fun? I think not.


Note: Before you tell me that I was exaggerating, or being over-dramatic, let me tell you that I was not being dramatic, I was being effective. Your argument is now labeled as invalid.

[Thundo Puffs]

While I do not entirely agree with everything written down, this is A DOWNRIGHT LEGENDARY ASSORTMENT OF WORDS THAT SHOULD BE PRINTED INTO A BOOK AND READ BY ALL.

FANTUCKINGFATSTIC, FOREST!

[Rain]

Omg, I finished reading this in class, and I almost died of holding in the laughter xDD
AMAZING AND TRUE!!~

[Luna]

All teachers should have a copy of this....... THEY MUST!!!!!

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